


Cigarette Daydreams

by Hamon_Frog



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Crushes, Drug Use, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Polyamory, Sort of an AU, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22207297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamon_Frog/pseuds/Hamon_Frog
Summary: Lapis goes out expecting a quiet night, until she bumps into Amethyst, who has other plans for her. Eventually their relationship blossoms to help themselves and Peridot deal with their past and the future that they will face together.(This work has been discontinued.)
Relationships: Amethyst/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Amethyst/Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 21





	1. The Snowstorm

**Author's Note:**

> Note about AU: Gems in all ways except appearance are human, they look how they do before su future but they need to eat food, sleep etc.  
> The first few chapters are just kinda a light intro to get the ball rolling for later where things do get a lot more intense. There's a lot more that I have written that just needs to be edited and then can be posted, and I have much more for this fic planned involving backstories and all that good stuff.

Lapis was walking along the cement sidewalk that lined the streets of Beach City, the sun being blocked by dark clouds that had been lazily hanging in the sky since the early morning, casting a shadow over the city. This was the time that Lapis enjoyed most in the city, as the streets were empty due to a predicted heavy snowfall, but there was yet to be any flakes, and if there were any they would start with a light fall, giving the gem plenty of time to retreat back to the barn she resided in just outside of the reach of the city’s bustle. Lapis’ blue winter coat and beanie kept her warm enough from the chilly winds.

However since her jacket only went down to her waist she had to change from her regular pants, that of which are very thin, to a more formidable pair of black twill pants. As Lapis walked down the street, small snowflakes began to fall, Lapis wanted to return home at that moment to allow enough time before the weather became unbearable but she had yet to buy the books she was looking for that were only available at a specific shop, which was her original intention for coming into Beach City.

She had decided that she would push through it, she probably still had enough time before the snowfall became too heavy, so she marched forward towards the bookstore, which was only a few blocks away. Once Lapis had gotten closer to her destination she noticed a purple figure ahead of her that appeared to be getting closer, strange, no one else should be out in this weather. This made Lapis somewhat anxious but she felt she would be able to brush it off and simply walk past this person, who knows, maybe it was another loner like her.

Lapis kept her head down as she approached the oncoming person, trying to avoid eye contact which could possibly result in idle small talk, she couldn’t help but notice that this person was not wearing a purple jacket but instead it was their skin that was purple. Once they were close enough Lapis could see who it was, Amethyst, wearing a violet sweater with horizontal blue stripes, a scarf wrapped around her face, black jeans ripped at the knee and her circular glasses

“Oh hey Lapis. Kinda cold to be out don’t ya think?” Amethyst said nonchalantly and with a giggle.

Lapis had her disdain for hanging out with others, but there were two exceptions, Peridot, who was her best friend, and Amethyst, she didn’t know why that gem was one of the few that she felt she was safe with but she had a natural disarming presence about her, the only reason they weren’t close friends was because Amethyst had a lot of friends that she liked to keep close to her, and Lapis felt as though she would never fit in with them and just make things uncomfortable for everyone.

“I guess I could ask you the same thing, Amethyst.” Lapis tried to recreate the cool tone that Amethyst always carried in her words

“I was actually looking for you. I knew you were gonna be out here so me and the gems thought it would be best to invite you to stay with us until the snowstorm passes, Steven's going to be at Connie's for the next few days so we’re getting a bunch of stuff together to have a fun night, kinda like a sleepover thing.” Amethyst explained enthusiastically.

Lapis wasn’t sure how to respond, I mean it would mean spending the night hanging out with Amethyst but at the same time, other gems would be there that might cause her to feel like she doesn’t belong, which is what usually happens, but also there was a snowstorm coming and she wouldn’t be able to make it to the barn in time without getting caught in it.

“Um… yeah sure.” Lapis replied still trying to act like she wasn’t internally freaking out

“Great! Wanna come help me get some stuff, if it’s not too much trouble?” Amethyst was kind and her words began to put Lapis at ease

“I would but I need to buy some books, sorry.” Lapis was disappointed that her chore would get in the way of alone time with Amethyst

“We can get that on the way, don’t worry about it. Now c’mon I gotta get snacks first.” Lapis was delighted that Amethyst found a way for them to spend time together, so much so that she didn’t realize the were standing directly outside of the convenience store until Amethyst spoke up  
“What are you waiting for? Let’s go!” her words still holding her cheery and excited tone.

As she entered the store, warmth enveloped Lapis, allowing her to unzip her jacket, displaying an oversized t-shirt with an indie band logo on it that no one else had heard of. While Lapis was doing this, Amethyst had already run off to look around the store for snacks, but not in a way that implied she was in a hurry but rather it was almost as if each item was a new experience for her, this intrigued Lapis, there was something that made her more full of life than the average gem, it was like just being in her presence gave Lapis a fire in herself, maybe that was her chest felt so warm.

“Hey Lapis, what do you think the gems would want?” Amethyst inquired while keeping her gaze on the collection of various snack foods

“I mean I’m not sure what everyone would like best.” Lapis’ voice became shaky, she didn’t like the weight of having to make so many people happy.

“C’mon, I know you’ve got good judgement.” Amethyst’s smile invoked some trust within Lapis “I promise they won’t get upset, all the gems like you.” Amethyst used her kindness to try and veil her concern for Lapis, she didn’t want her to feel nervous

“Well I’m not sure if that’s true.” Lapis’ voice lowered as she looked down at her feet, while Amethysts smile faded

“Laz, the gems really do like you, and I’m gonna make sure you have a good time tonight, even if it’s the last thing I do.” Lapis felt warm inside and her cheeks become flush, no one had ever given her a nickname before. She looked up into Amethysts indigo eyes and gave a reassuring nod to her

“Chocolate, by the way.” Lapis spoke up

“Huh?”

“I think we should get chocolate for the gems.” Lapis’ tone was returning back to it’s normal self, thanks to Amethyst

“That sounds like a great idea.” The two gems shared a hearty smile as they grabbed the chocolate and moved towards the till to pay. Once Amethyst paid, they left the store together, Lapis zipping her coat back up and Amethyst wrapping her scarf around her face, and immediately after they exited the warm building they noticed that the snowfall became much more intense, along with faster winds blowing against them  
“Next stop, bookstore.” Amethyst chortled, raising her voice to be heard over the wind.

After a few minutes of fighting against the thrashing combination of wind and snow, the two had arrived at the quaint bookstore, upon entering they noticed that it was just a bit warmer than the last building they went to, possibly because of the boiling water from the tea store that was a part of the book store.

“So, what book you looking for?” Amethyst inquired

“It’s a book about meep morps, I wanted to learn more about them.”

“That sounds rad! I’ll let you go off and do your thing, but don’t worry, I’ll stay close.” There was something about the way Amethyst spoke that showed how genuine she was, it was what made Lapis like her in the first place. The two nodded at each other as they both went to different sections of the store, the store wasn’t overly large so they didn't have to worry about becoming too far astray from one another.

Lapis knew what she was looking for so she returned to the front quickly after retrieving her book to look for Amethyst, to her surprise, she found her sitting at a table with two mugs of tea on them, once they locked eyes Amethyst motioned for Lapis to come over and sit, to which she obeyed

“What’s the occasion?” Lapis giggled, which was odd, she usually didn’t feel comfortable making light hearted jokes with others, but Amethyst was different, she was like Peridot, she understood her and let her be who she really was

“Well we’ve got a bit walking ahead of us so I thought this would help warm us up.” Amethyst smiled as she waited for Lapis to take a sip

“It’s good!” Lapis said after taking a sip. As Lapis finally began to warm up she took off her coat and laid it over her chair, as she turned around she noticed that Amethyst’s normally ever present smile was gone, instead she looked like she was twisting a thought in her mind

“Laz, I’ve been meaning to say this.” Lapis’ heart began to pound in her chest in fear of what Amethyst would say next “I really want you to have a good time at this party. I know we don’t talk a lot and it’s just, well, I don’t wanna bother you. I know you like to be left alone but I wanted you to come and have a fun time with the gems… and me.” she looked down as she forced those final words out of her mouth. Lapis’ throat tightened as she thought of a response, Amethyst seemed to really care about her, and she didn’t want to lose that because of her defensiveness

“I’ll try my best. And I don’t mean that in like a mean way, but it's not usually something that I do so this’ll be a new experience”

“Well I hope it’s a good experience.” Amethysts smile returned as she looked into Lapis’ navy blue eyes, but it felt different then just eye contact, it was like she could see something that no one else could, Lapis had never seen a look like this before. As the gems finished their tea they stayed relatively silent as Lapis took in the essence of the book store, it was her favourite place in the city because of the smell of old books mixed with tea carried fond memories of her reading in her study.

Amethyst finished her tea first because she was used to handling high temperatures, so she had to wait for Lapis to finish her tea

“So, what are meep morps anyway?” Amethyst asked, holding her empty mug

“Oh, well, um… they’re kinda like these sculptures that I make. I don’t know it’s kinda dumb…” Lapis’ face blushed a dark blue as her face grew hot

“I don’t think that’s dumb at all, it actually sounds really cool. Maybe you could show me them sometime.”

“Y-you want to see them?” Lapis became embarrassed just at the thought of showing her work to someone other than Peridot, but no one else had ever wanted to see her work, she didn’t feel like they were worthy of such a thing, Peridot always praised them but that was because Peridot understood them, who knows of Amethyst would get them “I m-mean you can if you really want, but they’re not that good.”

“Of course I wanna see them, I bet they’re great!”

“You can come over someday then, I guess.”

“I’ll make sure to do that soon.” Amethyst said almost as if it was absolute, Lapis didn’t get her hopes up too high because she was used to people flaking out on her.  
“I think we should get going now, the gems are probably wondering where we are.” Amethyst let out a small chuckle as she began preparing to venture outside again. Entering the cold once again, the city seemed almost dead, no cars or passerbys occupied the streets, except for the two gems.


	2. A Night with Amethyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis spends the night over with the gems, and after having an initially bad experience, she comes around, and gets quality bonding time with Amethyst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: A character has a panic attack in response to seeing alcohol
> 
> This chapter is a bit longer than the last and I think it will stay this way for most of the chapters, but I hope it's still enjoyable!

As Lapis and Amethyst had arrived at their destination, Lapis pulled out her phone to text Peridot

‘Hey I’m gonna be staying over at the gems’ house tonight, do you mind picking me up in the morning?’

‘You’re staying over there???’

‘I know, I know, it’s not like me and whatever but can you do it or not?’

‘Fine.’

This wasn't like Peridot, she usually loved driving Lapis around, something was up but now wasn’t the best time to find out. 

“Feel free to make yourself at home. You can just throw your jacket wherever you want by the closet.” Amethyst motioned towards a door near where they had just entered as she took off her scarf and threw it in the general direction of the aforementioned closet, meanwhile Lapis took off her coat and boots, putting them near where Amethyst had put her items, however she refused to take off her beanie due to her messy hair.

“I think they’re all upstairs, probably ogling a cat or something. Give me a minute.” Amethyst took a few steps up the stairs before calling out “HEY! LAPIS IS HERE! Oh, and I got chocolate.” footsteps could be heard making their way to the stairs, first was Pearl

“Oh, sorry Amethyst, we didn’t hear you come in, and hello Lapis, I’m glad you could make it.” Pearl sounded cheerful, but not nearly to the same extent that Amethyst was. Next down the stairs was Garnet 

“How are you doing Lapis? I hope that the trip wasn’t too much of a pain for you because of Amethyst’s antics.” Garnet shot her gaze over to Amethyst, you could tell she was glaring even if you couldn’t see her eyes

“We don’t want to cause you too much trouble.”

“Oh no, not at all, we had a great time actually.” Lapis tried to act confident in front of the gems, hoping that her words were understandable and that they weren’t too quiet or th-

“Well that’s good to hear. So I guess the real party starts now.” Garnet said enthusiastically

“Oh yes, this will be much better than looking at the cat” Pearl added, Amethyst snickered and made eye contact with Lapis, causing her to laugh at their inside joke.

“So what are we gonna do first?” Amethyst asked generally to the group

“I think it would be good to start with a movie.” Pearl replied as everyone seemed to nod in agreeance, and the group began to search for a movie. As this was going on Lapis began to text Peridot again

‘Look, I’m sorry I kinda blew up at you, I’m really stressed because Amethyst is here, but I don’t want you to feel bad about me staying over for the night’

As Lapis awaited her reply she noticed that a movie had been found and was starting to play on the tv, she put her phone in her pocket found an open spot on a comfy looking chair while the other gems piled onto the couch. It had been a few minutes and Peridot still hadn’t replied, which was out of character for her, she was usually very punctual about these things, so Lapis tried texting again

‘Peridot, please, I’m sorry, we can talk when I get home’

She put her phone away one more time. About thirty minutes into the movie a discussion between the gems had started, something about getting some drinks, Lapis wasn’t paying attention, she was more worried about Peridot so she hadn’t noticed anything until Pearl and Amethyst got up from the couch and went to the kitchen, Lapis didn’t want to bother anyone so she let it be and didn’t ask anyone about it and went back to watching the movie. After hearing some bustling in the kitchen the two gems put bottles on the table followed by Amethyst approaching Lapis with a glass containing a dark liquid in her hand

“Want a rum and coke, Laz?” Amethyst asked while holding out the beverage, Lapis’ grip tightened on the arms of the chair and her throat felt constricted

“I’m sorry, I need to go to the bathroom.” Lapis’ eyes began to fill with water as she spoke, trying to hide this she rushed to the bathroom, luckily she saw where the bathroom was when she first came in. As she entered the bathroom she closed the door quickly but avoided slamming it, she pressed her back against it and slid down to sit on the floor while pulling out her phone to call Peridot, hot tears trailing down her face now. No answer from the phone, so she quickly texted

‘Peri please answer… they have alcohol here  
’  
her phone began to ring

“Lappi? Are you ok?” Peridot spoke with haste and desperation, the nickname had caught Lapis off guard but it was in a good way, her nauseousness was replaced with a warm feeling in her stomach but her paranoia stayed

“I don’t know, I just saw the alcohol and I couldn’t take it.” Lapis’ crying had lessened but not subsided yet

“Listen to my voice, ok? Take deep breaths, in and out. Everything will be ok, you can handle this.” After taking a few deep breaths her tears had stopped falling

“Thank you, Peridot.”

“No problem. Do you still want me to pick you up tomorrow?”

“Yes please.”

“Is that all you need?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

they hung up and Lapis continued to sit for some time. Knocking was coming from the other end of the door, Lapis sniffled and in a panic said the first words that came to her mind

“Um… occupied?” she tried to play it off cool as if she had not been crying mere moments ago

“Hey Laz, it’s Amethyst. I just wanted to come check up on you after I heard you crying

“Damnit…” Lapis muttered, she really hoped that she wouldn’t have made a scene “I’m sorry”

“Don’t worry about it… Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t know” Lapis felt drained from her crying

“C’mon we walked through a snow storm together, haven’t I earned a heart to heart talk?” Amethyst used her jest to soften up Lapis

“Fine, I guess you did.” Lapis returned the joking tone, as the door swung open both gems greeted each other with a smile, though Lapis’ wasn’t nearly as big as it usually was. Lapis stood up and the two of them sat at a table near the window, away from the other gems, watching the storm outside

“So what happened there, Laz?” Amethyst was waiting for Lapis to return eye contact

“It’s just a problem I have with alcohol, I had a few too many bad experiences with it.”

“I’m guessing it was more than a few.” Lapis couldn’t bring herself to look Amethyst in the eyes, she was ashamed of her previous actions, instead, her gaze remained at her feet

“Yeah. I’ve tried my best to stay away from it ever since Peri started noticing how bad it got.”

“I’m sorry, we’ll keep it out of view from now on.”

“Thanks, Amethyst”

“Don’t sweat it, I’d do anything to help you.” Lapis felt good after hearing that, maybe coming here wasn’t the worst idea

“So the gems ordered some pizza, do you want any?”

“Yeah, that sounds really good actually.” Lapis’ smile returned as they made their way back to the living room, snacking on chocolate and patiently awaiting pizza.

“So Lapis, tell us about meep morps.” Garnet inquired, as everyone turned to see her response Lapis’ face began to turn a dark blue

“W-well they’re just some projects I started working on.” She looked down in embarrassment

“Oh so when did you start?”

“Um I guess it must have been a year and a half now, I started working on them as a healthy creative output, it helps me express things that I couldn’t otherwise.”

“That’s cool, I’m glad you were able to find something to help you.” as Garnet spoke Lapis had noticed her dread had become less prevalent, she started to feel somewhat comfortable with these people, and after a few minutes of talking with the other gems while they ate pizza together she had felt her memory of what happened earlier in the evening disappear.

“All I’m saying is that the first and final songs of an album should have more love put into them because an album should be an experience!” Lapis playfully had a disagreement with Pearl, her beanie had come off some time ago, but she no longer felt shame for having messy hair around the gems

“But as long as the songs are good it shouldn’t matter!” Pearl retorted, it was obvious she had some wine before Lapis had come back but that didn’t bother her at this moment, as they were all having a good time, the banter between all the gems had gone on so long that they didn’t notice it was nearly midnight

“All right, looks like it’s about time for us to go to sleep.” Pearl spoke up

“Ughhh, do we have to?” Amethyst groaned

“Yes, Amethyst, there are important things that must be done tomorrow.” Amethyst stuck her tongue out in response, then leaned over and whispered into Lapis’ ear and whispered

“The most important thing we have to do tomorrow is shovel the driveway.” Lapis almost snorted because of how hard she was laughing.

All the gems had set up a bed on the floor in the upstairs bedroom, except for Lapis who was granted the bed as she was a guest. Everyone had brushed their teeth and gotten themselves comfy before saying their goodnights, once everyone finished their conversations and had gone quiet Lapis waited for about fifteen minutes before she began to carefully sneak her way out of the bedroom and onto the balcony, she didn’t want to risk making more noise by going downstairs to grab her jacket, so she sat underneath a small overhang to prevent any snow falling on her.

The storm had calmed down plenty and now was just a light snowfall, Lapis had admired it for a few moments before pulling out her lighter and a finely rolled joint that was sealed inside a plastic bag that she had kept in her pocket. As she sparked the lighter she heard the door open behind her, she quickly turned around to see Amethyst in her sweatshirt and barely visible shorts but was missing her glasses

“Oh I’m sorry I thought everyone was asleep and I-”

“Hey, it’s totally ok by me. Just don’t let Pearl catch you though.” they both giggled “One condition though, you gotta share.”

“Be my guest, I didn’t want to finish this whole thing by myself.” Amethyst leaned against a wall as Lapis put the joint in her mouth and put the flame to it

“Why not?”

“Cus it’s a lot like using a knife as a bandage for a gunshot wound… at least that’s what Peri says. I still think it’s a bad habit, but it takes the edge off and keeps my hands busy so I don’t go back to smoking too much.” Lapis took a few puffs as she spoke

“You a little bummed that the party is over?”

“What makes you say that?” Lapis handed the joint to Amethyst, blowing smoke in the other direction

“I used to do the same, got that empty feeling after the occasional night out, weed helped get rid of that.” Amethyst showed her expertise by blowing smoke rings

“Yeah, the only problem was that the occasional night out for me was twice a week.” Amethyst handed back the burning joint

“That’s rough. Trying to get away from something?”

“The opposite, shitty ex I couldn’t get out of my head.” Lapis took a large hit and held it for a few seconds before exhaling, she had a furrowed brow as she looked out over the ocean. They sat in silence for a bit before Lapis started shivering

“Here, take my sweatshirt.” Amethyst removed her shirt, revealing that she was only wearing a bra underneath

“Woah, do you want me to turn around or something, also won’t you be cold?” Lapis began covering her eyes

“I don’t mind the cold, or if you look.” Lapis removed her hands from her eyes and put on the striped sweatshirt

“I would have been pretty disappointed if you said I couldn’t.” Lapis smirked at Amethyst “Oh shit, did I say that out loud? I’m sorry, it’s been awhile since I had a date with this girl.” Lapis motioned to the joint before she took another hit “You can thank Peri for that, she didn’t like me using it as much as I was, plus I usually started acting like this around her when I got high, so I put a complete stop to it… until now.” Amethyst took the joint from Lapis and had a few puffs

“Acted like what?”

“I don’t know, she said I got really flirty and stuff, but I only acted that way towards her… and now you I guess.”

“I don’t have a problem with it.”

“It’s been awhile since I’ve had a date with any girl in awhile, and in case you haven’t noticed there’s a good reason for that” Lapis then gestured to her entire body

“Laz, I’m gonna be totally honest with you, you are extremely pretty” Amethyst went to hold Lapis’ hand as she spoke but Lapis flinched when they made contact, ending Amethyst’s attempt, Lapis sighed as she massaged her hand with the other

“I’m sorry it’s not you... This is what I mean, it’s not just my body, everything about me is broken.” Amethyst had reached the filter of the joint so she snuffed it out and flicked it over the ledge

“You’re not broken you’re hurt, and I am willing to help you heal in whatever way is best for you.”

“I’m not sure what’s best though, cus I want you Amethyst, but I don’t know if I’m ready to make commitments right now.” Amethyst looked sheepishly at Lapis, this was a look she hadn’t seen on her face before

“You can have both if you want. We spend the night together, and if you want, we call it quits the next day.”

“Are you sure about this? I don’t want this if it’s only because you’re high.”

“I am absolutely sure, Laz.” Amethyst had that look again, the look like she can see a phantom in your eye. The two gems stared at each other, expecting one to back down, but neither did as their lips met one another for the first time as they kissed, Amethyst had plush lips that were soft and cushioned Lapis’ as she pushed into them, Lapis’ body recoiled at the feeling of embrace, but she was able to push through it because it was Amethyst. Amethyst was first to break from the kiss to speak

“Are you ok? You’re shaking really bad.” Amethyst’s voice showed the intense concern she had for Lapis

“Yeah, this is actually a lot better than when most people touch me. The only one who this doesn’t happen for is Peri.”

“Has she ever touched you… there?” Amethyst asked while looking below Lapis’ stomach

“No… it’s not something I want anyone to do yet.”

“Do you still want to keep going?”

“Absolutely.”

“Let’s go to the basement, there’s a more private bed there.” The two quietly snuck back into the house, stinking of cannabis, and Amethyst in her bra and shorts, heading to the basement, they were afraid of being caught in such a vulnerable moment. As they reached the bed they began to kiss intensely again, Lapis on top of Amethyst, she bit the other’s lower lip, leading their makeout session to become much more extreme, Amethyst reciprocated by beginning to push her tongue into Lapis’ mouth, to which Lapis followed suit. As the two got increasingly hot and heavy, Lapis moved her mouth onto Amethyst's neck where she nibbled and sucked as Amethyst moaned softly, the result was three large hickeys being created on Amethyst’s neck.

“Oh fuck, Laz, please fuck me.” Amethyst had lust and desperation in her voice, providing even more motivation for Lapis. Amethyst lifted her lover’s legs to assist in taking off her shorts, revealing a pair of boxer briefs covered in a design of black stars underneath, Lapis didn’t like making anything too easy so she kissed the purple thighs in front of her as opposed to removing the underwear, Amethyst whimpered as the kisses moved closer and closer to her crotch and just before she reached it Lapis stopped and began to remove the underwear. As Lapis sat in between Amethyst’s opened legs and moved her head down and began kissing, causing Amethyst to moan and arch her back after being released from the anticipation of this moment, Lapis had her soft kisses become licks between the labia, it was slick from how turned on Amethyst was, seeing as it was wet enough, Lapis got up, licked her index and middle fingers to prep them.

Lapis used her lubricated fingers to massage just past Amethyst's vaginal folds, then Lapis slowly began to move the two fingers inside, they went in smoothly and Amethyst began writhing on the bed and quietly moaning Lapis’ name as she tried to avoid being too loud to not wake the other house members, but as Lapis began moving her fingers in and out at a faster pace it became pointless to try and hide the pleasure she was feeling

“Laz… oh Laz... I’m close.” was all Amethyst could mutter between moans, Lapis knew she was doing an excellent job, she kept her pace and had her palm rub against Amethyst’s clit every few strokes, Amethyst began bucking her hips against Lapis’ hand as she reached her climax before eventually collapsing on the bed. Lapis licked her fingers clean, then spooned Amethyst. Lapis pulled a blanket that had been knocked off the bed from Amethyst’s wriggling and kicking and placed it over the two of them, Amethyst felt warm and fuzzy inside, she had dreamed of this moment for the past month, ever since she had first seen Lapis in that coffee shop. The way that she had carried herself was familiar to Amethyst, and the way she had treated those around her, with care and compassion is what made her fall for her.

“Was that good Ams?” Lapis asked

“Yeah, really good.” Amethyst replied while nearly gasping for air “I like the name Ams, by the way.”

“Sounds good Ams, I had a good time too.” Amethyst could still feel Lapis shaking, but it was more of a gentle vibration “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“How did you know I would be out in the snowstorm?”

“You’re always out when there’s heavy snow coming. I pay a lot of attention to you.”

“Thanks for looking out for me.” There was a brief pause in their conversation

“So… I’m not really sure what you want now that we did it, but I’d like it if we still talked and maybe even hung out after this.”

“Don’t worry, this isn’t the last time we’re seeing each other… Can I have some time to think about the whole relationship thing still? You’re sweet and amazing and I don’t wanna hurt you like I’ve done to others.”

“As long as you don’t come back asking for it in five years I’m ok with that.” Amethyst was worried inside but kept her joking attitude to keep Lapis calm, she understood some of her pain and wanted to alleviate it as much as she could

“Ok, four years and eleven months, got it.” if Lapis was acting goofy then it was usually a good sign that it would lead to more for their relationship. Amethyst wanted this relationship, but she didn’t want to push Lapis because she knew what it was like to hurt because of the past, but both of them knew it was just gonna take some work on both ends if they were going to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan to get the next few chapters out relativity quickly as they are just being edited so you can look forward to that. and I hope that you are liking the story so far!


	3. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis returns back home, Peridot is not thrilled about the events of the previous night and won't tell why until she is coerced a little.

When Lapis woke up she realized that the gems would be looking for them and how much trouble they would get into

“C’mon Amethyst get your clothes on!” Lapis shook her to wake her up

“Why?” she muttered sleepily

“Cus Pearl and Garnet are gonna see us.” Lapis spoke quickly due to her fear

“Oh that’s it? They don’t care.” Amethyst rolled over and slowly started to wake up more “Garnet’s fine with it, Pearl might chew me out once you leave, but I’ll be fine. I used to do this kinda thing a lot so they’re used to it. But you’re the first one they actually met, and they really like you.” hearing that made Lapis ecstatic, she never made people like her before, Peridot just kind of always liked her, even before they met. Once Lapis washed her face and brushed her teeth she just had to wait for Peridot to arrive, so she sat by the front window with Amethyst.

“I’ll make sure to call you and keep in touch, all that stuff.” Lapis spoke with a distant tone “...I know I’m being cold but I just don’t wanna ruin this for the both of us, I wanna take things slow and figure everything out. But I promise I’m not gonna disappear on you, I will talk with you through this process.”

“I’m ok taking some time, I think it would be good for me too. I’m not gonna disappear either.” Amethyst smirked at Lapis, who retaliated by sticking out her tongue. A beat up white sedan travelled up the road.

“Oh, that’s Peri coming. I’ll see you soon.” Lapis smiled and waved at Amethyst as she left

“See you soon.” Amethyst returned the smile but it faded quickly as she closed the door behind her and realized what all this might mean, she was afraid of this being just a one time fling, but Lapis meant more than anyone else she had been with. Lapis placed her book and phone on her lap as she entered the car.

“So how were things at the party especially after the er… accident?”

“They went amazing, all the gems were so nice and caring for me, especially Amethyst!” Peridot rolled her eyes at how whimsically Lapis said Amethyst’s name

“Well I’m glad it went so well.” Peridot’s words were snide “Especially after how you’ve been gushing about Amethyst so much.”

“What is going on with you? You’ve been such a dick lately.” Lapis was fed up with this behaviour

“I don’t really wanna talk about this right now.” Peridot was upset but was trying her best to withhold it for the car ride at least, she missed Lapis

“Fine. I know a way we can deal with this at home anyways.” Lapis looked out the window of the car, the rest of the ride home was silent except for the various songs that Peridot was playing through the car speakers.

Once they arrived at the barn and had brought in Lapis’ stuff, Lapis gestured for Peridot to follow her as she went up the stairs, to which she obliged. The two were still upset and there was a tension between them but the car ride gave them time to mellow out a bit, enough to not be in an argumentative mood, which Lapis used to pull a somewhat risky move. Peridot followed Lapis into her bedroom, where she dug under her bed to pull out a glass bong

“Wait, you just had that under your bed!? Lapis, we talked about this, you clod!” Peridot exclaimed, she wasn’t mad, just disappointed

“Wait here, I need to grab the rest of the stuff.” Lapis said as she left the room, leaving the bong on the ground. While it just sat there, Peridot examined it, learning that it was in fact the same one she used once or twice before, luckily she put it down before Lapis re entered the room with a bowl filled with marijuana, as Lapis inserted it into the bong she spoke

“Ok I need you to take a hit.”

“There is no way I am smoking anything right now!” Peridot stomped her little foot down as a state of emphasis

“This is the only way that I can handle you when you get like this. So if you wanna have an actual meaningful talk, have some.” Lapis knew Peridot was coming around just by the expression on her face, sometimes Peridot could be read like a book just through her expressions, it was one of the reasons Lapis loved staring at her, especially when she was doing work and she would scrunch up her nose to think, it was adorable to Lapis and always gave her butterflies in her stomach, “Here, I’ll start.” Lapis pulled her lighter and lit the crushed green substance, carefully as to not burn too much and send her into a coughing fit, she then inhaled and blew out the smoke at Peridot “Your turn.” she said playfully

“Fine. Give it here.” Peridot reached out her hand and took the glass structure from Lapis

“Don’t worry I’ll handle everything. You remember how to inhale it, right?”

“Yeah, of course I do, I’m no clod. Now just get it over with.” Peridot put her mouth over the opening in the top, which indicated to Lapis that she needed to put her lighter to use and Peridot began to slowly suck, as soon as Peridot had stopped drawing Lapis removed the bowl and Peridot took a big inhale, she could already feel her thoughts becoming fluffy and light, as she exhaled this only became more prominent along with her body beginning to tingle

“So can we talk now?” Lapis asked, she knew the answer but it was always good to check that there wasn’t any anxiety that would cause Peridot to back out

“I guess we can.” Peridot got up from the ground and flopped onto Lapis’ bed, laying on her back, the art that Lapis had painted onto the ceiling now seeming ever more intricate than she had noticed before

“So what’s going on with you?” The questions were now about looking for answers rather than spitting accusations at each other

“I don’t know, I just get real riled up when you talk so much about Amethyst and I guess I just wish you thought about me like that.” Peridot spoke lazily and with a mix of shame and embarrassment, she felt no point in trying to lie to Lapis because she would easily see through it

“Are you telling me you’re jealous? Why the fuck would you be? You’re my best friend, Peridot.”

“I’ve wanted to be more than friends for a while now, Lappi.” there was that nickname again, she never heard Peridot call her that before the party, but each time she said it, it sent a wave of warmth through her, just like when Amethyst called her ‘Laz’

“I think I’ve wanted that too… You’re smart and funny and take care of me and I feel warm and happy whenever I’m with you, I guess I was just scared to admit it to myself because I’m afraid of what would happen if I became attached, ever since last time...” Lapis was sitting on the ground, with her knees lifted up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them

“Lappi, you know me and I know you, I would never hurt you, especially in the way they did.” Peridot sat up to look at Lapis who had tears welling in her eyes now

“I’m so scared, Peri, I don’t know what to do.” Lapis had never called her ‘Peri’ to her face before. Peridot came over and hugged Lapis, placing her forehead on her’s

“Hey, hey, listen to me, it’s gonna be ok, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Lapis looked Peridot in the eyes

“I want this though.” She wrapped her arms around Peridot as she put her lips onto the soft green lips in front of her, Lapis’ face, wet from tears, pressed into Peridot’s, they both had wanted this for a long time and were trying to savour this moment as much as possible as it may have been their last quite like it. It seemed like somewhere close to an hour had passed since the two gems had kissed, the haze of their highs had worn off for some time now, Lapis sat in an open window, smoking a cigarette, Peridot sat on the floor against a wall, trying to piece what just happened together

“So… do you want anything to come out of this?” Peridot had broke the silence

“I really do… And I think that because it’s you I’m ready for this.” Lapis flicked the butt out the window “But there’s just one problem, I have to tell Amethyst.” Lapis sounded as if she had let someone down, which very well could have happened as far as Peridot knew

“What exactly did you do last night?” Peridot became wide-eyed from concern what Lapis might have gotten herself into

“Well, we talked about how we both liked each other but I told her I didn’t know if I was ready for a relationship so we casually fucked and said we’d talk about it later.” Lapis said this all matter of factly

“You are such a clod.”

“Yeah I know.” Lapis gave Peridot a small smirk because she found the word ‘clod’ coming from Peridot so cute

“If you want my input, I don’t care if you date Amethyst, as long as we stay as girlfriends and you make sure to give me attention as well as give it to her.”

“Wow, I really didn’t expect that from you.” Lapis was not easily surprised by Peridot’s actions, but this is much different than the reaction she was expecting. “Will you guys get along?”

“Who you date is not really a big deal to me as long as I’ve got you with me. And I’m sure we’ll get along but I don’t know if I’ll be dating her, I doubt that she’s my type and plus, I’m not sure how you feel about that. So what I’m trying to say is don’t be expecting any threesomes.”

“I’ll leave any relationship talks between you two, because if you’re chill about it, I am too. But we’re getting too ahead of ourselves, I haven’t even talked to her to see how she might feel about the whole thing.”

“That is a pretty important step of the whole process.” Peridot said sarcastically. It was late now, Lapis never checked how long that whole conversation between her and Peridot took, but she needed to text Amethyst soon, it would be unfair to make her wait, as well the situation was weighing down on Lapis, this was a big step for her, not only getting one girlfriend but possibly two, so she decided to send a text

‘Hey Ams. Do you think we could talk about us?’

‘Sure. When do you wanna do that?’

‘Tomorrow some time, if that works for you.’

‘Sounds good. I’ll see you at the place on the corner, the one by the playground. Maybe we could grab a slushie while we talk?’

It was settled now, Lapis couldn’t back out even though she was deathly afraid of hurting Amethyst, Peridot consoled her by saying it had to be done. The only thing that was keeping Lapis calm was being held by Peridot, it was something that had been off limits for so long but she was finally allowed and let herself to enjoy it, Lapis used to always imagine Peridot holding her in moments like these, where everything was confusing and she felt lost, but now she didn’t need to imagine. They laid in Peridot’s bed together, which was much larger than Lapis’, it was also much more tidy in that room, as opposed to Lapis’ where clothes were strewn about along with other various things she used in her daily life. There were thoughts that intruded Lapis’ as she lay with Peridot

“What am I gonna do, Peri?” Lapis turned around to face her new girlfriend

“You’re gonna tell the truth and whatever happens, happens. How I see it, you two really like each other, and that means things are gonna work out in one way or another.” Lapis felt calmer just from hearing Peridot’s advice, which is how it usually went, Peridot had many of her own anxieties but was usually able to keep them under control and tried to help Lapis do the same, however there had been a few times where Peridot completely broke down, this mostly happened when her clinginess got the better of her, requiring her to get consolation from Lapis.

\----------------------------------

The dreaded day had arrived, the blue and green gems had awoken in surprise as they hadn’t intended to fall asleep in each other’s arms, but it was definitely a pleasant surprise. Checking the time, Lapis had discovered it was nearly eleven in the morning, she muttered a curse word and rushed to her room, digging through the piles of clothes on the ground for something nice to wear. Eventually she found a pair of high waisted jeans a white collared shirt and a blue sweater, once she put those on she worked on brushing her teeth and washing her face. Being cleaned up in record time, she rushed to the door, looking outside she saw that there was still snow on the ground but the temperature had risen significantly since the snowstorm, so the jacket stayed in the closet and she opted for a pair of sneakers over boots.Peridot had lazily made her way to the door in her still groggy state

“I’ll text you when I’m coming home.” Lapis said while checking the time again

“Ok, good luck, Lappi. Tell me all about it when you get home.” Peridot tried her best to sound enthusiastic in between many yawns, she got on her tippy toes and kissed Lapis on the cheek before she ran out the door, afterwards, adjusting her large, round glasses and making her way towards the hissing kettle.  
Lapis checked her phone for the time, she was about ten minutes early, which explained the lack of Amethyst, so Lapis bided her time by being on her phone until a purple gem had rounded the corner. Amethyst was sporting black pants that hugged her body and a purple oversized hoodie and was drinking from a slushie

“I don’t know how you can drink that when it’s still cold out.” Lapis teased

“Practice.” Amethyst’s warm smile was still there, melting Lapis’ heart

“So I guess the talking part comes next.” Lapis tried to laugh to hide how nervous she was but it was still quite evident from how awkward it came out. The two gems sat on the swing set at the park across the street from where they had initially met

“I’m just gonna get this out of the way. Are things not working out?” Amethyst looked at Lapis, seeing that her body language was so retracted she was concerned for how this talk would go

“No, not at all, it’s just that, this whole thing is really complicated and I wanna make sure that you’re ok with all of it.” Amethyst nodded as a signal to keep speaking “So I… really like you and I think I’ll be able to handle a relationship if you’re patient with me, but if you do want to pursue this I need to let you know that I’m also dating Peridot right now. She’s ok with me doing this, so if you’re comfortable with that I’d like to continue seeing you.” Lapis tried her best to make herself as small as possible and avoid looking at Amethyst in fear of what she may say

“You don’t need to be so uptight, Laz. I’ve been with multiple people before. And don’t worry, I’m willing to put in a little effort to make this work.” Lapis finally looked Amethyst in the eyes and smiled in relief

“I’m glad you understand, Ams. For now I wanna take things slowly while we all figure things out, especially how I’m gonna introduce you to Peri, she’s great but she can be rough around the edges to new people.”

“I’m sure we can figure everything out, I bet Peridot is great! And besides all that matters is that I’ve got you and that everyone is happy.” Amethyst tried her best to make Lapis feel comfortable about the whole situation, softly punching her in the shoulder to try and get a laugh out of her

"I sure hope so." Lapis dragged her feet across the dirt as she idley sat on the swing set.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was good, it was one of my favorite to write so far. The next chapter will probably be up in the next week or so if I'm not too lazy.


	4. Girlfriend Meets Girlfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst goes to meet with Peridot for the first time, but their friendship starts out rocky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Talk about emotional abuse from parents, nothing is explicitly stated but it is referred to vaguely. Also it is brought up that a charcter has Borderline Personality Disorder

A few weeks had passed and everything seemed to be going well for the three gems, Lapis spent time with both of them and continued to sleep in Peridot's bed at night. However Peridot and Amethyst still had yet to meet, they had both heard many tales of one another from their shared girlfriend but had yet to interact in anyway, until one day Amethyst had texted Lapis.

'Hey you should show me your meep morps today, I think it would be a nice little date thing. Plus I'll finally get to meet Peridot after you've been hiding her for so long.' A purple devil emoji had been placed at the end of the message

'Sure, I just need to make sure she's cool with that.'

Lapis had been laying on the couch while Camp Pining Hearts played in the background of her scrolling through her phone, meanwhile Peridot was somewhere upstairs doing who knows what. Lapis got up and went to Peridot's room, opening the door to see her scribbling down notes at her desk

"Amethyst wants to come over tonight, I just wanna make sure you're not gonna freak out about it or anything." Lapis had a casual tone but still let it show that she was being serious

"I am the epitome of not freaking out, of course it will be ok. I am quite insulted that you could even think I would do such a thing." Lapis just scoffed and smiled as she left the room, she remembered how Peridot reacted after the sleepover with Amethyst, but Peridot had gotten her jealousy under control for the most part since they started dating. As she walked away a muffled voice came from behind the door "I'll even drive her to prove that I'm ok with it." Lapis laughed to herself and pulled out her phone and began typing again

'You're good to come. We'll come pick you up at 4'

'Nice, Can't wait.'

Lapis couldn't see, but she knew that Amethyst was absolutely beaming after that text. The two gems began getting ready to go, Peridot cleaned her glasses and threw on a warm pair of brown coloured pants with a black shirt that had a star on it and a heavy coat that was a size or two too big, but it kept her warm so she cherished it and wore it often in this weather, Lapis on the other hand was worried about making her hair look perfect and picking out a cute outfit, which quickly became thwarted by the cold weather, making her just throw on her blue jacket and some black pants along with a beanie. Soon after they had finished they got into Peridot's car

"You look really pretty" Lapis chimed

"Thanks, Lappi" Peridot tried to dismiss conversation quickly as she focused on the road, there was a long silence before Lapis spoke up

"You're being weird"

"I am not!" Peridot retorted

"Peri, I know when something's up with you. Will you just tell me?" There was a lull in their conversation before Peridot took a deep breath and began to confess

"I'm really nervous to meet Amethyst. I'm afraid she won't like me because I'm not as cool as her and what am I gonna do if my girlfriend's girlfriend doesn't like me?" Peridot's voice was shaky, she was hoping that she had hid her feelings better

"You don't need to worry about being cool, you just need to be yourself, Amethyst will like you just for that cus that's how she is." Lapis wanted Peridot to feel comfortable around her other partner, because she knew that Amethyst wasn't worth being anxious over, she was one of the coolest girls that Lapis had ever met.

"If you say so. I just don't wanna try to not mess up anything for you or us." Peridot tightened her grip on the steering wheel

"That won't happen, just breathe and I'm gonna be here if you ever need anything." Hearing this brought a small smirk to Peridot's face "But I doubt that you'll need to, I'm sure you two are gonna get along great."

"Ok, I'll give her a genuine chance." Peridot turned up the volume knob on the vehicle's speakers. It wasn’t that Peridot was still jealous, it was just that she didn’t know how well her and Amethyst would connect, she never liked the loud and rowdy type, but then again she didn’t like a lot of types

"Thank you, Peri." Lapis planted a kiss on Peridot's cheek as she continued to focus on the road, trying her best to hide her smile.

The car had pulled up in front of Amethyst's where she was already waiting on the front steps, running up to the car as soon as it stopped. Lapis quickly exited the vehicle to embrace her partner, as she stood with her arms open, the charging gem had nearly knocked Lapis off her feet

"Finally! Took you two long enough." Amethyst laughed as she held her blue girlfriend. After breaking from each other, Lapis opened the back door, bowing her head down

"For you, milady." Lapis put on a taut british accent, garnering a hearty laugh from Amethyst while she entered the vehicle

"Ah, I finally get to meet the ever elusive Peridot, I've heard so much about you." Amethyst donned her infectious smile, spreading to Lapis as she re-entered the beat up car

"Likewise." Peridot grimaced, making eye contact with Amethyst through the rear view mirror, Lapis then swiftly jutted her elbow into Peridot while glaring at her causing her to remember what she had said earlier “So… I would ask how you first met but I’ve heard that story a million times.”

“It’s good to know that Lapis talks about me as much as she does about you.” Peridot began driving to their destination

“Does she really talk about me that much?”

“Absolutely, I basically know your life story now, and you sound pretty swell.” Peridot’s face felt hot from embarrassment, perhaps she had judged her too soon, Lapis had always made Amethyst sound fun to hang out with, but Peridot always felt she needed to be cautious around others, especially those dating Lapis, after what had happened to her before. Lapis and Amethyst had chatted for most of the ride, making puns and quips at each other, Peridot wasn’t one for joking, but she would occasionally throw in her opinion during debates and the like until they had arrived at the barn.

Lapis quickly dragged Amethyst inside to show her around the house, quickly grabbing her large bag before she was pulled away, leaving Peridot to casually make her way inside, by the time she opened the door the other two had already made it to Lapis’ room, which is where she kept all her meep morps, describing each one with passion to Amethyst.

Peridot loved hearing about meep morps, it always made her feel better seeing Lapis so passionate about something, so she decided to join them. She stood just inside the doorway, watching as they discussed. Lapis was so entranced she didn’t notice the green girl standing there, but Amethyst had, giving her a smile and small wave while she continued to listen. Once the ranting had finished Lapis spoke with a much different, less fervent tone but still containing some of her previous momentum

“I really need to go to the bathroom, so I’ll be right back. Oh hey, Peri.” She kissed both of her girlfriends quickly before she ran off

“She’s one hell of a girl.” Amethyst had stars in her eyes as she spoke

“She’s a real charmer, you just have to take your time with her to see all of it.” Peridot eased up on the whole being a hard ass routine because she realized that if both of them liked Lapis they couldn’t be too different.

“So why is that? She keeps mentioning this one ex but never wants to talk about it.” it seemed that Amethyst’s mood had dropped a considerable amount as a result of the topic

“It’s a long story. And you’re gonna have to ask her, it’s not my place to tell it. Just one warning, don’t mention the name Jasper, it’s one of her few triggers that puts her back in the past, and you REALLY don’t want that.” Peridot realized that she might have said too much, but the way that Amethyst looked at her made it feel like she could say anything and it would feel alright.

Peridot had begun focusing on her surroundings rather than what she had said and began blushing while taking a step back when she realized how close they had moved together during their conversation

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry , I just wanna make sure I’m not gonna do anything that’ll hurt her.” Amethyst’s apology was sincere, and that worried Peridot because she didn’t want to become attached to Amethyst, after all she might just be another heartbreaker that’ll ruin the progress Lapis had made

“Um, I’m gonna check on Lapis, she’s been gone for awhile.” Peridot nervously hurried out the door and ran down the stairs to the bathroom, then knocked loudly on the door “C’mon Lapis, you clod! I need to use the bathroom.” Lapis then promptly exited the bathroom

“Well I’m sorry for wanting to make sure I look presentable.” Lapis threw her hands up in a dramatic fashion and began going towards the kitchen

“Picking at your skin isn’t making yourself look presentable!” Peridot called out, Lapis then responded by sticking her tongue out at Peridot before disappearing into the kitchen, how they spoke to each other seemed harsh but that’s just how they joked around, Peridot wasn’t much for the conventional sarcasm or pun so that’s how she expressed her humour, being overly harsh to those that understood it. 

Peridot grabbed a towel and began to run water as she got undressed, a warm shower usually helped her clear her mind, sticking her hand in to feel the temperature, it was a nice warmth, not burning hot but not chilly either, perfect for her. Stepping into the shower she tried to collect her thoughts and make sense of everything, specifically trying to decipher how she was feeling about Amethyst, trying to think of every moment, it became harder for Peridot to focus, until she began to feel all her thoughts slip away like the water over her body. 

Peridot heard footsteps coming down the stairs which is what made her realize where she was, she had no idea how long she had been in the shower it could have been five or thirty minutes, quickly she gout out of the shower and began drying herself off, focusing on drying her individual limbs first, as she began moving the towel from her arm to her leg, the bathroom door swung open, Amethyst entering while Peridot stood naked, holding her towel frozen in fear.

“Oh Shit.” Amethyst had stopped in her tracks, her jaw practically dropped to the floor “Uh… I thought it was Lapis in here…” Amethyst froze in place, she didn’t know what to do

“You could at least get out you clod!” Peridot shouted at Amethyst as she quickly tried to maneuver the towel to cover her body

“Oh yeah right… um, sorry, I’ll leave.” Amethyst stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Peridot was startled and shaken but she had finished drying off and tied the towel around her chest, going back to her room to find a fresh pair of pyjamas. As she sat on the floor to put them on she couldn’t get what had just happened out of her mind. Amethyst didn’t take her eyes off of her, that’s what she remembered most vividly, and the thing was, she didn’t hate it. An aroma coming from outside the room was the only thing that was able to get the thoughts away from Peridot, even if it was just for a few minutes she decided that it would be healthy to worry about something else for a change, so she decided to investigate what the source of the smell was.

“What’re you cooking?” Peridot went downstairs and peeked her head around the corner to get a view of the kitchen, noticing Amethyst sitting at the table coyly while Lapis cooked

“Some aglio e olio.” Lapis replied, keeping her focus on cutting garlic

“Ooh, fancy.” Peridot snickered, it wasn’t often that Lapis did the cooking, but it was always a treat when she did

“It’ll still be a bit before it’s ready, so don’t feel the need to wait down here.” then Lapis stopped what she was doing, looked over her shoulder and mouthed ‘You ok?’ Peridot knew this meant Amethyst had already said what had happened. She knew that if she stayed in the room that things would only get more awkward, so she decided it would be best for her to return back to her room, giving a nod to Lapis as she left.

“Should I go apologize?” Amethyst asked, her head hanged in shame

“Nah, you just gotta let her think things over, she should be ok in the morning at the latest. I guess you can and probably should apologize, just don’t expect it to resolve things right away.” Lapis was now stirring a pot of spaghetti

“I’m just worried that I ruined things between me and her the first time I’ve ever seen her.”

“Don’t worry, you didn’t do anything wrong, well you sorta did.” Lapis snorted at her own joke “But Peri does this all the time, it’s cus she has borderline personality disorder, I know it's not the most fun thing to deal with, but it’s a part of her, and she’s doing her best to work on it as well. Now come see if these noodles taste ok.” Amethyst moved into the kitchen, no longer being coy but still a bit retracted

“They taste good, babe.” Amethyst’s words were disheartened

“Ams, don’t beat yourself up over this, she was worried you wouldn’t like her too. She’s a great girl once you get to know her, tomorrow we can see how she’s feeling and figure things out from there.”

"Ok. I'm gonna go apologize now."

"Tell her I love her, oh and bring her this food, she'll extra like you for that." Lapis handed over a plate with a fairly decent amount of noodles on it

"Thanks, you're the best, Laz." Amethyst felt better after having her talk with Lapis, but still she had something irking her about Peridot. She knocked on Peridot's door, it had stickers of green cartoon alien heads spangled across it

"Hey Pdot, sorry about what happened… Lapis says she loves you, and I have some food if you want." The door opened, Peridot stood directly behind it

"Thank you for the food. And I accept your apology.” Peridot spoke in a hushed tone, as she went to close the door, the buzz of her phone could be heard, but Amethyst paid no attention to this as she went back to the dining room

“So how’d it go?” Lapis said as she set the table with her own and Amethyst’s plate of noodles

“She said thanks, and not much else.”

“That’s better than the usual. That means she still likes you at the very least.” The two sat down and began to eat

“I really hope so.”

“You know that you guys don’t have to be friends with each other just cus you’re both dating me, I mean I would love it if you did, but it’s not a requirement or anything.” Lapis was trying her best to be rational about this whole situation, she would be pretty upset if her girlfriends didn’t get along but she knew it wasn’t hers to decide

“I know, but even if you weren’t here I would still want her to be cool with me, I’m not totally sure why, but like you say, she really does seem like a great girl.” Lapis’ phone buzzed and she looked at the screen

“Well you should probably tell her that then, like right now.”

“Like right now, right now?”

“Yup, she just texted me that she wanted you to eat with her in her room.”

“Are you gonna be ok by yourself for a bit? I feel bad since this was supposed to be a nice date and all that.”

“Yeah, I’ll be good, I want you guys to be cool.”

“Ok, I’ll go then.” Taking her plate, Amethyst made her way upstairs. Lapis’ door was open by a small margin, to which Amethyst peeked her head into the room. She saw Peridot sitting on the floor, twirling noodles on her fork

“Uh hey, Laz said you wanted me to come hang out with you.” Amethyst kept her voice low

“Um yeah, I thought it would be nice to just talk for a bit.”

“Ok.” Amethyst sat down on the floor across from Peridot, trying to stay close but still allowing her plenty of personal space “So what do you wanna talk about?”

"I just wanted to say that I am sorry for being rude to you. You are cool and I should've shown you more respect."

"Hey don't gotta be so formal about it, we both messed up. So wanna call it even?" Amethyst stuck her open hand out towards Peridot, to which the two shook hands

"Um, yeah, it's just like my parents were really shitty to me growing up, so I have a tendency to lash out on others, I'm trying to be better about it." Peridot had one hand playing in the carpet while the other continued to move noodles from the plate to her mouth

“Don’t worry about it Pdot, I get it, I went through the same thing.”

“Really?” This was the first time Peridot had looked up from the floor the whole time Amethyst had been in the room

“Yeah, Except instead of lashing out at others, I just let everyone else use me. I’ve gotten past it but it was a rough time in my life.”

“Shit… Do you wanna talk about it?”

“There’s not a lot to say, parents didn’t love me so I tried to get others to love me, which resulted in a lot of flings and broken hearts, but it was mostly mine that was getting broken. After that I took a break from the dating scene and I met Garnet and Pearl, they helped me learn to love myself, and all that other mushy stuff.” Peridot hadn’t eaten any more of her food due to being so entranced in the story.

“I’m really glad that you found the people to help you. Lapis has been a huge help but we’re both pretty broken so it’s tough to fix everything ourselves… I’m glad you’re gonna be there for her now, she really needs it.” tears welled in Peridot’s eyes

“I’m here for you too, Pdot.” Amethyst held Peridot by the back of her neck, the two had moved closer together, their plates pushed to the side, their faces coming together until Amethyst realized what was happening, she moved her hand from Peridot’s neck to her back, turning what would have been a kiss into a hug. The hug lasted a long time, both gems holding on tight to each other, and once they had let go they each examined each others face’s, not to find anything but just to admire all the small details, like the freckles that were subtly dotted just under where Peridot’s glasses are, or the way that Amethyst’s nose scrunched up when she smiled. Peridot raised her glasses to wipe away her tears before speaking

“So, where are you two gonna sleep tonight?”

“I was thinking that I might crash on the couch or the floor since there’s no room on Laz’s bed.”

“You could use my bed... I mean only if you both wanted to.”

“Would it fit three people? I wouldn’t wanna kick you out of your own bed or anything.”

“Oh, I, um, guess so.” Peridot was flustered, she didn’t expect Amethyst to want her to sleep in the bed as well

“Nice, we got that all figured out, I’ll go let Lapis know.” Once Amethyst got to the door she quickly stopped herself and turned around to say “I know we’re not exactly the same, but you’re really cool Pdot.” and left without allowing a response. Peridot didn’t chase after her, she just continued to sit on the carpeted floor, thinking about everything. Why did she feel so warm and understood? Why did she want Amethyst to stay and talk the night away with her? She was scared that her answer would just be a heat of the moment thought, that it would end up ruining her if she didn’t plan things out, so she put her feelings to the side to allow her to think about how she truly felt about Amethyst and to not be simply pulled in by the want to be understood. She decided that she just needed time to think about how she felt about all this, but she decided she could at least enjoy her time with Amethyst now.

After cleaning up the kitchen and dishes, the blue and purple gems had decided it was time to go to bed. Once again, Amethyst wore her sweatshirt with a pair of shorts, while Lapis opted for shorts with a tank top, both of them contrasting Peridot’s attire of polka dotted pyjama pants and one of Lapis’ band shirts. While Lapis brushed her teeth, Amethyst told her about the conversation with Peridot

“I don’t mind sleeping in her bed, as long as you don’t either.” Lapis said

“It’ll be fine, it’s better than sleeping on the couch.” Amethyst got ready to brush her teeth as she spoke and finished up her bedtime routine. All the gems had finally made their way to Peridot’s room, making sure that everything was perfectly how each gem wanted it before laying down. First it was Peridot who laid on the left of the bed, with Lapis in the middle and Amethyst on the right.

“Do you wanna do anything together? Like, go to the mall or something with all three of us.” Lapis asked to her girlfriends

“How about we go see a movie?” Peridot had spoken after being fairly quiet while getting ready for bed

“Sounds good, but what movie?”

“Who cares? Let’s just show up and see the first show that’s playing.” Amethyst added

“All right, it’s a date! I guess it’s actually a triple date.” Lapis smiles at her revelation, though no one else can see because the room is nearly pitch black

“A triple date would mean that there are three parties on a date, insinuating that Amethyst and I were also going on a date together. But really it’s just you going on a date with two people.” Peridot explained

“Yeah, sure you two aren’t dating, I heard you macking from all the way downstairs.” Lapis snorted, she loved teasing Peridot, and Amethyst always brought out a joking mood in Lapis

“Then I’m sure you heard the headboard banging against the wall than too.” Amethyst retorted while Peridot was too flustered to respond

“You are the best girlfriends ever. But it’s time to sleep, good night.” Lapis closed her eyes and rolled to her side, signalling that it was time for the others to sleep now too.

“Hey Pdot?” Amethyst whispered. It was the middle of the night, but she seemed to have never gone to sleep

“Yeah?” Peridot said groggily

“I can’t wait to hangout with you tomorrow.”

“Yeah me too.” then Peridot went back to sleep. Amethyst’s heart raced from her anticipation for tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope that this chapter was enjoyable and all that good stuff. The next chapter should be up by next week at the latest, but it really depends on if I binge write or not if it'll come out early. Buuuuuut now that I am posting chapters as I write them feel free to leave comments about what you'd like to see, how you feel about the story so far, etc because I'd love to hear from all of you!


	5. Amethyst Learns About Jasper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: A character talks about a past abusive relationship

Lapis was the first to wake up, sitting up, she carefully wiggled her way out of the bed without waking up her either of her girlfriends that were situated on both sides of her. She gathered various dishes from around the room and brought them down to the kitchen for cleaning later. A kettle began hissing as the water inside boiled, Lapis pulled out a bowl of dry oatmeal and poured in the water. Every morning she had a bowl of oatmeal and a glass of water for breakfast, just because Amethyst was staying over she wouldn’t give up her routine. 

After finishing breakfast, the blue gem grabbed a banana and brewed a cup of tea for Peridot, which was what she did each morning as well, but this time she put peanut butter on a piece of toast for Amethyst. The food was left on the nightstand next to where Amethyst was on the bed, waiting for the other gems to wake up, while Lapis cleaned herself up in the bathroom.

Next to wake up was Peridot, who took a few minutes to get rid of her grogginess, she stopped laying against the wall that the bed was pushed up against and rolled over to grab her glasses from the nightstand. She had to reach over a body to reach the nightstand, and once the glasses had been retrieved she cuddled up to what she had presumed to be Lapis, but she felt larger and warmer than usual, and the cosiness caused her to fall back asleep.

After waking from her short nap, Peridot’s mind had cleared and now could fully comprehend her surroundings, to which she realized that she had been cuddling up to Amethyst rather than Lapis. Peridot began sweating, luckily it seemed that Amethyst was still asleep, so she tried her best to climb out of the bed, falling a little bit as she tried to silently make her way out, and then once she made it out, proceeded to grab her breakfast and leave to the kitchen.

After Peridot had finished her food, Lapis had come down

“How was your sleep?” Lapis asked casually as she made her way around, cleaning various objects as water still dripped from her due to the shower she had taken while everyone else continued to slumber

“Pretty good, I guess. Hey, when are we going to the theatre?”

“I was thinking about going as soon as Amethyst was ready.”

“And how long will that take.” Peridot playfully rolled her eyes, pretending to be snide

“I don’t know, she usually wakes up pretty late.” Lapis continued cleaning as Peridot stirred on a topic that she wanted to bring up

“You’re gonna have to tell her what happened to you at some point. She’s been asking me because she’s worried about you.” Peridot folded her hands together, while Lapis looked up from her chores “I know you want to pretend like nothing happened, but it’s still hurting you. I’ve seen the way you flinch when she touches you. She can help you. Talking with her can help you”

“I’ll tell her about it when I want to!” Lapis hissed and stormed off to her room, Leaving Peridot alone and worried. After some time, she heard footsteps coming down the stairs, but it had turned out to just be Amethyst coming down for some milk

“Heya Pdot. How’re you doing?” Amethyst spoke as if she was still half asleep. Peridot didn’t respond and shook her head a bit “Ah, I get it now.”

“Get what?”

“You and Lapis are fighting. She was blasting music with her door closed, so I figured something must be up.” Amethyst poured herself a glass of milk as she spoke “I thought I might come hang out with you for a bit while she chills out.”

“I wouldn’t mind that.” Peridot got up to make another cup of tea

“So, you holding up ok?”

“Yeah, I’m used to it. I just wish she would take better care of herself, it hurts seeing her do these self destructive things.”

“I know what you mean, I see her do it and it sucks but then I go and do the same thing.” Amethyst stiffened in her seat

“I think we all do it, it’s just another problem that we have to solve… not like we have enough already.” Peridot spoke solemnly as she drank from her mug

“We could be like the three musketeers, but with emotional damage.” Amethyst returned to her normal cheery state after seeing Peridot crack a smile at her joke. Peridot’s phone vibrated as the two sat at the kitchen table together, it was a text from Lapis saying she was sorry, to which she shortly came down, reeking of cigarettes. Peridot didn’t want to make a fuss before they went to the movies so she bit her tongue and let Lapis go in peace.

“Ready to head out?” Amethyst asked Lapis

“Yep, as long as Peridot’s good to go.”

“Yeah, I’m ready.” Peridot didn’t let go that easily. Her phone buzzed again, another message from Lapis

‘We’ll have a talk after the movie.’

This made Peridot feel better about the situation, enough to put it behind her for the afternoon.

Walking to the theatre had been less awkward than Peridot had expected, everyone was cracking jokes and it was an overall pleasant experience. The three of them held hands on the way there and when they had arrived Lapis pretended to slip, allowing her to pull Peridot in for a kiss, making them both lighten up about what had happened in the morning.

The group looked through the various movies that were playing, the options being a cheesy rom com, some kids show and a lame comedy. The group had decided that the rom com would be the best option just to make fun of it.

The theatre was empty, allowing them to make all the jokes they wanted to each other, Peridot put her arm around Lapis at some point in the movie and Amethyst would make out with Lapis, making over emphasized sounds to mock the actors.

After the movie ended the three gems returned home, all of them smitten with how their date went. It was dark out now, but it wasn't late yet, it was just after dinner time. Various discussions about the ridiculousness of the movie occurred as they travelled home, but as they got closer Lapis got increasingly quiet.

Upon arriving at the house Lapis sat in the middle of the couch, her mind not paying attention to her surroundings as it was so enveloped in what she was going to say and how she was going to say it

“I guess it’s time we talk about some things.” The two other gems were caught off guard by Lapis’ serious tone. They sat down beside her, Amethyst putting a hand onto Lapis’ shoulder

“Is everything ok, Laz?” Amethyst’s concern rippled through her voice in a way that was rarely heard

“Yeah, I just gotta clear some things up. First with Peridot.” Lapis slightly turned to face the small green gem “I’m sorry about freaking out earlier, you were telling me the right things but sometimes it’s hard to listen, because it means that I’m wrong.”

“I get it, Lappi. I can be like that too, but we always work through it.” Peridot was glad to hear an apology from Lapis, as it wasn’t something that came often.

“And next is you, Ams.” Lapis turned to face amethyst, who’s eyes were wide with surprise, she had no idea what was going to happen next “I’ve been hiding my past from you. And it really hasn’t been helpful for either of us. So I’m not gonna hide it anymore.”

“Only if you’re ready, Laz. This is your story and I don’t want you to feel obligated to say anything that you’re not ready to say.” Amethyst moved her hand from Lapis’ shoulder to her cheek, holding it to help her feel safe and to not retreat into her anxieties as she often did when the topic was brought up. Lapis nodded her head and began to solemnly speak, as she did Amethyst removed her hand

“It all started with Jasper. She was the first person I ever dated. I was weak and hurting at the time, so when she asked me out I felt like I was saved. She towered over me and that made me feel safe when I was with her.” Lapis balled her hands into fists, the memory hurt her, and both of her girlfriends knew this “Things started out pretty good, she was sweet and caring, but after awhile it turned sour. It seemed like every conversation we had would turn into an argument, so I started leaving to go get drunk and high. No matter what I did nothing got her out of my mind, it was like I wanted more of the fighting, just to get a little bit of her.” Lapis’ knuckles turned white as her voice began to crack.

Peridot put her hands on top of Lapis’, reminding her to ease up and to breathe, just like how they had practiced many times before. “Every time I got back she would start yelling at me and I would yell back. We would scream and throw things around, but every morning we woke up like nothing happened. I would snuggle into the arms of the girl I was berating the night before. Those were the moments that I kept coming back for, feeling safe with her. I always thought that it was just how things were in a relationship and that she was worth all the fighting. Until one day, she threatened to kick me out, just like my parents did. My mind went blank and I... just left. She texted me saying how sorry she was but I didn’t turn back, my heart wanted to go back though, I wanted to believe she would change, but I couldn’t risk turning back to the same thing.”

Lapis sunk into Peridot’s arms after she had finished the story, she wasn’t crying but she was on the verge of it as she rested in her girlfriend’s small arms. Amethyst had no idea what to say and instead of using her words, she joined in on the now group hug. Lapis was no longer trembling when touched, Amethyst didn’t know if it was because Peridot was also holding her or if it was because she had opened up about Jasper, however she didn’t care, nor did Lapis, they all just enjoyed the embrace.

The gems were tired from their walk home and lying together felt so comfortable for them. They didn’t end their hug and it turned into more of a cuddle pile where they all began to drift to sleep. Once Amethyst was sure that the other two were sound asleep, she whispered out a small

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! Sorry this took so long to come out, I was a little bit lazy and also I wanted to work on a bit of a backlog so that my posting can be a bit more consistent and also give me a bit more time to make sure that I'm exploring everything that I want to. My goal is to get a chapter out every 3-4 days kinda depending on the length. Otherwise, have a great day!


	6. Meeting Jasper

Lapis sat in a small book store that consisted of tall shelves lining the walls and no other customers, except for a few stragglers who would come and go every once in a while. She sat, reading her book peacefully, it wasn’t the greatest but it had plenty of sapphic themes, which she enjoyed thoroughly. As she read she would occasionally crack a small smile at scenes she found cute, it reminded her of why she loved reading.

While she continued through her story she noticed a shadow beginning to creep over the pages, she looked up to see a tall, orange coloured gem standing above her, startling her, she tried her best to regain her composure and see if she recognized this gem.

“Uh… hey. I know this might seem strange, but I thought you were cute. And uh… I was wondering if you wanted to get some coffee?” The gem’s voice was powerful but enchanting, she didn’t exactly know what to do with her hands so she awkwardly held them with her fingers intertwined

“Um, sure. I don’t drink coffee though.” Lapis looked closer and saw that this girl was pretty, she was athletic and had long flowing hair along with a presence that emitted power and a ‘don’t fuck with me’ attitude. If Lapis had a type she thought that this must be it. She got goosebumps just from looking at her,the amber eyes pierced her.

The two of them had left the store and began to head to a cafe that sold coffee, particularly one with a patio, they wanted to bask in the warm sunlight pouring across the large city.

“By the way, my name’s Jasper.” Jasper stumbled over her words somewhat, showing that her confidence was not as great as it would appear. Lapis appreciated that a girl that would normally seem so intimidating was prompted to be so coy by her presence, it made her feel powerful too.

“And I’m Lapis Lazuli.” Lapis tried her best to seem cool, as much as she didn’t want it to show, she thought that Jasper was cool as hell, not to mention that she was straight up hot

“That’s a pretty name.” Lapis smiled at the comment. Jasper blushed, it was rare she would be so forward with a gem. “So what brings you into the city?” Jasper was trying her best to learn something about Lapis, or at least have a conversation with her

“I’m stuck here.” Her attempt seemed to have failed, so she tried again

“So you’re parents live here?”

“Yeah. I wish they didn’t.” Lapis didn’t like talking about this kind of thing. When she noticed Jasper going to ask another question she quickly cut her off “Look, I’d rather not talk about this.”

“Fine then.” Jasper huffed, she was trying to talk but was just getting blown off, as usual

“How about I ask you some questions instead?” Lapis sensed the tension and wanted to ease it by poking Jasper in the arm playfully, as she did she felt the muscle that ran throughout Jasper’s arm, it was thick and the strength of it was evident just from a simple poke

“Go ahead.” Jasper was still gruff but not nearly to the same extent as she had been a few moments ago

“So why’d you ask me out?” The two of them arrived at a coffeehouse and ordered a blaack coffee and a chamomile tea before finding a table with two wicker chairs and continuing their conversation

“You were cute.” Jasper shrugged as she leaned back in the chair. The umbrella that was open above the table cast a shadow over Jasper and Lapis

“There’s more to it than that.”

“And how do you know that?”

“You don’t approach a girl just because she’s cute, there’s gotta be something more to it.” Lapis leaned forward onto the table, smirking at Jasper

“You’re beautiful. I loved the way you carried yourself and how you walked and the way that your hair would bounce whenever you moved.” Jasper sighed “There. Are you happy now?”

“Very.” Lapis giggled. She reached out and put her hand over top of Jasper’s, the difference between the size of them was substantial. As they walked down the streets to their respective houses they held hands, Jasper’s completely enveloping Lapis’ hand. Once they had reached where their paths had to split, Lapis got on her tippy toes and leaned in close. Jasper, realizing what was happening, bent down a bit, meeting Lapis’ lips with her own. As they pressed their lips together for a longer time, Lapis felt a large hand press onto her back, and then go lower, and lower.

Lapis shot awake, covered in sweat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter! I do have a lot written that just needs to be edited, so the next chapter should be coming out right at the 3 day mark and that will be about the usual length.


	7. Nightmare Aftercare

Peridot was awoken when she rolled over to hold Lapis, but had instead slapped her hand onto the bed, discovering that she was gone. It was still dark out so neither of them should have been awake, but Peridot in her ever curious self had decided to go investigate. She carefully climbed over top of Amethyst and went outside of her room, noticing that the door hadn’t been fully closed. Upon looking down to the first floor, she could see that one of the barn doors were partially open as well. As she grew closer to the doors, Peridot could smell burning cigarettes.

Lapis sat on the ground, knees to her chest, with a weathered pack of cigarettes and lighter beside her, her hair a fluffy mess.

“I thought you threw all of those out.” Peridot’s voice was sleepy and weak

“I really don’t need to be scolded right now.” Lapis stated coldly

“Bad dream?”

“Yeah.”

“Was she in it?”

“Yep. It was our first date” Peridot’s heart sank, she was hoping that the nightmares wouldn’t have come back. She came and sat next to Lapis. She hated the smell of cigarettes but put up with small amounts of it for Lapis.

The two of them sat together in silence, looking up at the stars together. Peridot thought that they had been able to work past Jasper, but guessed that it wouldn’t be as simple as she thought. All she wanted to do was help Lapis, but there was so much that she had no power over, and that fact hurt her heart. 

Lapis made sure to blow smoke away from Peridot’s direction, she knew how she felt about second hand smoke and wanted to respect that. Suddenly they heard footsteps behind them, they turned around to see that it was Amethyst

“Are you guys having a party without me?” Amethyst joked wearily, she had a slight slouch as she walked. As she got closer she noticed the atmosphere and stopped in her tracks “Oh, is this a private thing?”

“Nah, you can come hang out if you want.” Lapis idly replied, not even looking down from the sky. Amethyst sat on the side of Lapis that was still free and yawned loudly.

“So what’s going on?”

“Lappy had a nightmare.” Peridot responded, putting her arm around Lapis. Lapis tried to act like she didn’t care about the affection, but she really did enjoy it, especially when she felt so… gross inside.

Jasper’s words still floated through her mind, all of the affection and the hatred, the screaming and the soothing. It was an ever present reminder of the past.

“Well, we’re here for you now, ‘Lappy’.” Amethyst giggled to herself as she began sprawling out on the grass, placing her head in Lapis’ lap and rubbing her eyes before quickly drifting back to sleep

“Good old Ams, always there for me.” Lapis said sarcastically, but in a way she was worried there was some truth in what she meant

“Give her a break, she’s tired.” Peridot moved her arm into her lap, folding her hands together

“I think that’s the first time you’ve ever told me to be nice to someone.” Lapis didn’t mean to sound as harsh as she did, not realizing until she saw Peridot’s expression, that of hurt and frustration “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be this way… It’s just that I miss her… And I hate that.”

“I know.” Peridot’s expression began to unfurrow “But we’re working on it. It’s gotten so much better than before. I just don’t want you to put that anger towards Amethyst and push her away. I know you’re afraid of that, and that’s why I’m trying to help.”

“Well you’re doing pretty good so far considering this situation.” Lapis looked down to the gem sleeping in her lap, causing them to laugh “And I know you wanna help her too, cus Peri’s got a crush.” Lapis said in an mocking tone

“I do not!” Peridot shouted as she tried to hide her face that was now swelling with green and began running back inside to the barn.

Lapis laughed to herself, trying to keep still as to not wake Amethyst. She brushed through her long white hair with her hands as she continued to look up at the stars, putting out her cigarette.

Peridot found her way to her bed and slept there for the rest of the night while Lapis had involuntarily slept outside with Amethyst on her lap. Beach city had started to warm up the past week so they didn't have to worry about any snow or hypothermia while they were out there. However, they did have to worry about the little yellow gem yelling at them from the barn doors.

Lapis reluctantly got up, in turn waking up Amethyst, who rolled over and got a face full of grass, not remembering that she fell asleep outside. After wiping the residual grass off of her face, the two of them got up to see why they were being screamed at.

As the two of them had made their way over to the barn, Peridot began huffing as she ran out of breath from yelling

"Lapis… you gotta… take your pills." Peridot had to take large breaths in between her words but she managed to pull herself up to hand a glass of water to Lapis

"Wait, you gotta take pills, Laz?" Amethyst asked, somewhat shocked as she had never seen Lapis take any pills before

"Don't worry, it's only her hormones. It's not anything drastic." Peridot added in a candid tone, causing Amethyst to furrow her brow in confusion "Wait… you mean you don't know?"

Everyone turned to Lapis, who had a dark shade of blue begin to spread over her face. Her heart began to pound in her chest, her mind racing to think of what to say

"I was going to!" Lapis sputtered out, it was all she could muster before Jasper’s words began arising in her head again, berating her for being such an idiot, a fool who can’t make a relationship work

"What do I not know?" Amethyst tried not to let her panic show

"Well you better tell her now." Peridot glared at Lapis, who could feel the stare burn through the back of her head

"Fine!” She took a breath before speaking again “I'm trans." Lapis conceded to the pressure and collapsed onto the couch.

There was a long silence between the three gems, the weight of the words lying heavily over the room, like an inescapable fog. Peridot in her fear of what had just happened, ran to her room, the door closing being audible in the living room.

"Hey Lazuli." Amethyst sat beside Lapis "I'm not mad at you or anything... I just wish that you knew that you could trust me enough to tell me that."

"It's not that I don't trust you, but Peri and Jasper just kind of always knew, so I didn't know how and when to say it." Lapis began to sink into Amethyst. She started to feel safe with her purple girlfriend, she could be more open with her, and it was scary but it felt liberating and she felt warm inside afterwards.

“I’ll let you get away with it this time.” Amethyst laughed, causing Lapis to jiggle as a result of laying on her body “But next time, you’re telling me about things like this, ok?”

“Ok... I’m sorry.” Lapis sat up to face Amethyst

“Don’t sweat it, everyone makes mistakes, but what’s important is that we learn from them.”

“How do you always know what’s right?” Lapis giggled

“Lots of experience. Too much experience. I know what keeps people away so I do the opposite of that with you.” Amethyst frowned a little bit, she didn’t like thinking about the past.

“You don’t gotta worry about that anymore, the past is the past. From what I’ve seen you’re a different person now.” Lapis tried her best to bring a smile to her partner’s face

“To be honest I was really worried, I’m used to distrust, but with you it was scary. I’m so sick of lies and breakups. I wanna stay with you Lapis.” Amethyst began to tear up, Lapis responding by bringing her in for a hug

“I wanna stay with you too, Ams.” Amethyst began to nuzzle her face into the crook of Lapis’ shoulder, letting her tears fall onto her shirt. They both felt more connected now. Both of them were still shaking a bit from the panic they had just endured.

They stayed in that position for a minute or two, letting Amethyst regain her composure. Lapis grabbed some tissues to wipe the remaining tears from Amethyst’s face, followed by a kiss on the lips. The two stayed mostly in silence, they had a pretty intense conversation so they felt both of them deserved a break. They spent their time on their phones for awhile, making a few small comments here and there, but generally just enjoying each other's presence.

“I think I should head home. Gotta check up on the gems and all that, y’know?” Amethyst commented as she lazily hung off the couch

“Awww, do you have to?” Lapis said in an exaggerated tone and put out her lip to pout

“Yes I do. You know that I don’t want to though.” Amethyst began to get up and collect her stuff, stopping for a moment to turn to Lapis “And while I’m gone, maybe you should go check on Pdot.”

“Don’t worry, I was already planning on it.” The two of them began to head for the door. Lapis had been joking, but she really didn’t want Amethyst to leave, she wished that they could all live in the barn together, but she understood that Amethyst was needed at her house still and she didn’t want to get in the way of the family Amethyst had built there.

“I’m gonna miss you.” Amethyst looked down at the ground as she spoke, it had been a long time since she said those words. It gave her an odd feeling, it wasn’t new, but it wasn’t familiar either, it was like there was a piece withdrawing from her as she began to leave. She didn’t like the feeling but knew that once she saw Lapis again she would feel even better than before, so maybe it was worth it

“I’m gonna miss you too.” Lapis gave her girlfriend a peck on the lips as a sendoff before closing the door behind her after she left. Lapis took a breath before heading up the stairs and softly knocking on Peridot’s door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been pretty lazy regarding actually writing to build up my back log for the past few days, so the next chapter may take a bit longer to be posted than usual. But I'll try my best to procrastinate less in the future.


	8. Consolidation of a Broken Mind

There was no response from the other side, so Lapis began to carefully open the door as to make sure she didn’t catch Peridot off guard. Once the door was completely open Peridot could be seen laying on her bed, over top the covers, facing towards the wall.

“Peri?” Lapis spoke softly, not wanting to bother her girlfriend too much. When she got no response, she sat on the edge of the bed, taking a moment to appreciate the cleanliness of the room before leaning over to see Peridot’s face.

Her face was damp with tears, along with her pillow having a sizable mark where loose teardrops had fallen onto. She was breathing heavily, with the occasional sniffle mixed in. Peridot turned her head to bury it into the pillow, she didn’t want Lapis to see her like this. There was a feeling of a soft hand on her back, it comforted her, even though her body wanted to reel away. The gentle touch helped stop the crying, not the emotions, but it was one step of the process.

Lapis began running her fingers through Peridot’s yellow hair. She knew all the ways to calm down the green gem, as it was somewhat often that she would have to use these tactics because of how fragile Peridot was. Peridot didn’t mean to be so sensitive, but whenever her mood swings started to come in it was almost inevitable. She also didn’t mean to be so destructive, like how she treated Lapis. She didn’t mean or want to guilt and expose her.

It made her stomach churn whenever she had an outburst. Often times it felt as if she lost control of herself when it happened. That was the reason Lapis was her only friend, because she was the only one who could put up with it. Peridot had no idea why or how, but had come to accept it, but even so, tried her best to not do things like this to her.

Maybe they stayed together because they were both broken, and all their jagged edges fit together in all the right places. Peridot would sometimes wonder if maybe they didn’t need to be fixed, they just needed someone that made everything ok.

Peridot was soothed by Lapis’ gentle motions and delicate fingers making their way through her hair, she was able to stop crying, allowing her to finally talk with Lapis.

“I’m sorry... It wasn’t right of me to do that. Or get mad at you.” Peridot analyzed Lapis’ face to see if she was upset or disappointed, but her face was more that of worry. “I just don’t want you and Amethyst to keep secrets from each other.”

“Peri, please don’t beat yourself up over this. Yes, I would have liked to tell Amethyst on my own terms, but we both know that would never happen without your help.” Lapis tried to crack a smile to calm down her girlfriend, but was only able to muster up a small smirk due to her concern still looming in her mind

“But I hate that I always let my emotions get out of hand. Then I end up hurting the people I care about.” Peridot could feel her throat tightening as she spoke. Confronting her emotions had always been difficult for both of them “My mind lets things get out of hand and I get overwhelmed, and I end up lashing out.”

"And I hurt you too… But we are trying our best to stop hurting anyone." Lapis’ voice dropped to a low tone

The sun began to set, causing long shadows to cast across the bedroom. Both of them had felt the toll of the events that had occurred a few hours ago, making them weary. They hated fighting, but it was bound to happen from time to time in any relationship. But their arguments were intensified due to their previous traumas and issues, but in the end, it is what helped solidify their relationship to be stronger than most.

"I don't mean to get mad at you, ever. But when I get upset, it becomes all that I feel." A few stray tears fell down Peridot’s face.

"But that's not you, and I know that. I know you Peri, you are sweet and caring. You are more than just your disorder." Lapis put her free hand on Peridot’s face, causing Peridot to burst into tears again. 

All that could be heard in between sobs were sputters of ‘I’m sorry’ before being muffled by a tight hug from Lapis. Peridot felt relief sweep over her body, she knew that Lapis understood her and how she felt. They had gone through so many troubles before, but the warm comfort of one another seemed to always get them through it. Peridot took in the warmth that enveloped her, allowing her tears to fall onto Lapis’ shoulder.

“So you were worried about Amethyst too?” Lapis teased, trying her best to lighten the mood

“I just want you and her to be happy together.” Peridot deflected, the tears gradually stopping now

“Mhm, that’s the only reason why.” Lapis rolled her eyes and smirked at Peridot

“I-i also don’t want her to think I’m a weirdo, that’s what most people would want as well.” Peridot stuttered as she spoke. She was never good at hiding how nervous she would get.

“Whatever you say, Peri.” Lapis got up to do her nightly routine, laughing to herself on the way out of the door

“I am not into Amethyst.” Peridot grumbled to herself, turning over on the bed and pulling the covers up.

Lapis took her time getting ready for bed, leaving Peridot to nearly fall asleep waiting for her girlfriend to return. As she waited, she noticed that her blankets had started to smell like Lapis ever since they started sleeping in the same bed together, the smell reminded her of the breeze that would blow over the beach in the summer. She brought the blanket up to her nose, bringing back her first memories with Lapis. It gave her goosebumps and made her feel fuzzy inside, something that only happened when Lapis was involved. Except for the few times it happened with Amethyst, but that was probably nothing.

Lapis finally returned, entering the room to see Peridot with her face stuffed into her blanket. As soon as Peridot had noticed the blue gem standing in the doorway, she quickly tried to play it off as if she were sleeping. Lapis wanted to tease her about it, but felt that the both of them had been through enough of that for the day. Flopping onto the bed, Lapis gave Peridot a few kisses on her forehead, allowing her to feign waking up.

“Hey, I was wondering if we could do something tonight.” Lapis spoke softly, keeping close to her girlfriend

“Of course. Do you want to work on meep morps or something tonight?” Peridot forced a yawn to further hide that she had in fact not been sleeping

“I was actually thinking maybe we could… you know… do it.” Lapis lowered her eyes, and held a serious tone in her voice

"A-are you sure, Lappy?" Peridot was caught off guard. It had been a long time since Lapis had been ok with putting herself in such a vulnerable position.

"Yeah. I've been considering it for some time now, and I think I'm ready to try." Lapis fidgeted, there were so many things she was afraid of, jumping into things when she wasn’t ready, making Peridot uncomfortable, having things end up like they were with Jasper. But she had put in enough thought to believe that she was in fact ready for this, and she knew she could trust Peridot.

“Ok, if you are fine with it. But we’ll start slow, and we can always stop at any time.” Peridot held Lapis’ hand, it helped make them both feel more reassured in this new venture. Lapis’ heart was pounding. If Peridot got close enough, she would be able to hear it. “I have to get some things and clean up, I’ll be right back.”

Peridot got up and left the room, leaving Lapis alone, with nothing but the sounds of soft footsteps making their way through the barn. She began to worry. Maybe she wasn’t ready for this, but was rushing to appease Peridot. She had to remember to breathe, she knew that she was ready, but even so, there were still some things that she was nervous about.

Peridot returned, with a bottle of lube in hand. Placing it on the nightstand, she then stood by the wall opposite the bed, trying not to invade Lapis’ space too quickly. As Lapis sat on the edge of Peridot’s bed, she noticed the comforter sinking in a fair bit because of how fluffy it was.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Peridot coyly inquired, giving Lapis her space still

“If I’m ever gonna be ready it would be now.” Lapis rubbed her knees as she anxiously awaited for Peridot to make her move.

Peridot, after taking some time to mentally prepare herself, took a deep breath and began to close the distance between them, first leaning her arms over Lapis’ shoulder, starting with a few small kisses on her lips. As the kisses began to last longer and contain more vigour, Peridot sat in Lapis’ lap. The kisses started to include small bites on Lapis’ lower lip, as well, Lapis slipped her tongue into Peridot’s mouth. Peridot felt it become hotter between her legs, she wanted more of this feeling, she became less timid in her actions, now removing Lapis’ shirt, revealing her slender body that had the faint traces of abs in her blue stomach and an elegant bra, laying herself on the bed, Peridot still leaning over her and pressing her lips into her lover’s.

Moving away from her lips, Peridot now begins to nibble on her girlfriend’s neck, transitioning to kisses as she showered her entire body with them, starting with the collar bone and finishing with the lower portion of the blue gem’s belly.

“Is this ok still?” Peridot sat up, out of breath, it was difficult to maneuver her small body around the tall gem

Lapis nodded, her face a dark blue, she was blushing partially due to embarrassment but mostly from enjoyment. Peridot leaned down and gave her a kiss on the lips. While she was down there she reached around to unclasp Lapis’ lacey bra, it took some fumbling around to finally get it, then she pulled away the bra, dropping it to the ground.

Peridot took a moment just to admire Lapis' body. There had been a few incidents where Peridot had walked in while her roommate was changing, so this wasn’t exactly new, but Lapis had rarely felt comfortable enough with her own body to show Peridot, until now.

Peridot cupped her hands around the small, blue breasts, making sure to be gentle with them before sliding her hand down Lapis’ curves, finally reaching her hips, where a pair of pyjama pants hung loosely over. She began to pull them down before Lapis placed her hands on top of Peridot’s, stopping her from going any further, then turning her head to the side in embarrassment.

“Oh, right, sorry. I got really caught up in all this.” Peridot removed her hands from her partner's body and began to remove her own clothing, starting with her shirt and bra. This process was much less delicate. Peridot treated it how she would normally change clothes when she was in her bedroom alone, causally tossing her clothes to the side before standing up to remove her sweatpants to reveal a pair of boxers with a pattern of alien heads across it. She didn’t leave much time for Lapis to admire her body before removing the underwear, unveiling her plump thighs and blonde hair that sat above her vagina. Sitting her naked body back onto Lapis’ lap, Peridot noticed a smirk creep across Lapis’ lips as she was entranced by the view.

“Is this better?” Peridot smiled back. She loved Lapis’ gaze, she would notice it every once in awhile, when they would eat a candlelit meal together, or when they would lay in bed together, just on the verge of sleep, but weren’t quite there yet.

Lapis nodded her head, allowing Peridot to place her hands back on her hips, and pull down her pants. Her slender legs recoiled at the cool air, causing Peridot to pause for a moment to make sure everything was fine, then she continued by removing her panties. Lapis inadvertently responded by gaining a small erection, giving Peridot a small sense of satisfaction. Peridot began to spread lube onto the both of them, being extra gentle with Lapis, despite this, a small whimper escaped her mouth, further motivating Peridot.

The two of them locked eyes to ensure that both parties were comfortable with continuing. Once Peridot got the signal, she began to move up and slide onto Lapis. Peridot had already become slick from the anticipation of this moment, making it easy to take in Lapis. The green gem was taking her time to move her way down, allowing herself to get used to the sensation of being stretched. Feeling her body begin to rest upon Lapis’ hips, they both let out a gasp. Peridot took a short second to acknowledge how it felt to have Lapis’ full length in her. Then she began to grind her hips on Lapis, placing her hands beside her girlfriend to gain more leverage.

Peridot tried her best to incorporate things she had read in fan fictions before, as she didn’t have much experience with sex, but still wanted to make it an enjoyable experience for her partner. She tried her best to watch Lapis’ facial expressions and body language to ensure that she was enjoying it. As she moved back and forth, she began to raise her hips as she pushed herself back. This caused Lapis to let out small moans each time she did this. Grabbing Peridot’s thighs, tight enough to press into her skin, she began to subtly move her hips with her lover.

Peridot tried to keep her focus, but felt her mind begin to slip as she became overwhelmed by the pleasure. Lapis’ legs began to shake and she was panting, she was getting close to finishing and Peridot could feel it by the intensity in Lapis’ movements increasing. The increased fervor brought Peridot close as well, her arms weak, she dropped down, bringing the two of them face to face, both of them still thrusting into one another.

Peridot’s body clenched around Lapis, as waves of ecstasy shot through her. The sensation of Peridot tightening had prevented her from holding back her orgasm any longer, her head falling back and her eyes rolling up. Both of them moaning curses and one another’s names, before completely collapsing onto the bed, Peridot rolling on to the side of the bed, beads of sweat covering her face and matting portions of her hair. The two of them exchanged a tired smile while Peridot began to curl up in Lapis’ arms.

“Was that ok?” Peridot tiredly whimpered out

“It was great.” Lapis replied, brushing the hair out of Peridot’s face, and pulling up the covers over both of them. They then drifted off to sleep, still naked, but using each others warmth to stay comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. There's been a lot of things that have been happening in my real life that have been interfering with me writing. Unfortunately, this probably means future chapters will come out slower now, but I am aiming to make sure that they are of good quality. But either way I hope this is all still enjoyable to read!


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